Graham's True Stories
Number 30, The Dutch Tourist
Now I've told you about The Rat before. You remember, Maggie the SO's Norwich Terrier that thinks it's a Rottweiler? The Rat has seen it all, done it all and if dogs bought Tee shirts he have a dozen.
In Winter, The Rat has a choice at outdoor antique markets. He can sit in the relative warmth of the car or he can stand in inch-thick snow ready and willing to launch into defcon five if Maggie gives the command (she hasn't yet, but he lives in hopes).
When it rains he just stands there looking far wetter than he is and soaks up the water and the fussing of every passing customer. When the coat becomes over waterlogged he shakes and (I promise you he wasn't specially trained) always seems to do so in close proximity to a French tourist. That's my boy!
So, there we have it. A rough, tough dog with a capital D.
Then came the Dutch Tourist.
It was May, temperature in the 50s and, surprisingly, not actually raining. Maggie was doing her best to convince a Canadian that, of course, he could take a treadle sewing machine back as hand baggage, when she was tapped on the shoulder by the Dutch Tourist.
“Have you been seeing your dog please”? said the DT.
“Huh?” Replied Maggie in her best London Tourist Office mode.
The DT expanded a little. “Your dog is being too small for colder weather. You must take him in hot room now or he die”
Pausing only to rapidly work out the conversion rate from Canadian dollars to pounds sterling, Maggie explained to DT that Dizzy was built to survive the bleak Norfolk moors and was bred from stock that hunted in all weathers. DT was not impressed. “You take home and give hot bathing now or I call many polices”.
Maggie has a breaking point. This was it.
She didn't tell me the words she used, but I've had reports from other dealers who were there, who tell me that many were fairly short and truly international.
That night, in one of her long e-mails to then-ISMACS representative Brenda Dean in Australia, Maggie told the story of her run-in with the ISACPL (International, Sel Appointed Canine Protection League).
Brenda, sensing that Maggie was going to be fuming for days, defused the situation with a little Internet humour.
She sent the following poem:
Excuse me, Madame. Don't get in a tizzy, I'm a well-loved dog and my name is Dizzy. I have a fur coat to keep out the rain - So just “bugger” off: you're becoming a pain.
To any of you visiting London this year, don't miss Portobello Road Antiques market. Call and see Maggie and say hello to the Rat - he'll be there, rain or shine.